I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize