Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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