Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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