just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
