Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
