She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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