there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
