even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
