I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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