Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
