You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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