I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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