i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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