'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize