wat bout pragnant strippers??
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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