Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
