Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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