Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
