there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Everyone says I win the strip club
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
