He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
