everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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