THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
