found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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