just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
