I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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