You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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