i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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