We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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