I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
two words...techno handjob
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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