i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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