so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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