her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize