...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
