The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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