he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize