so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
