i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
