1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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