If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
