I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
