i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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