I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
