Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
