Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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