we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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