Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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