Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
