remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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