You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
