My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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