You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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