I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
