If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
