You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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