PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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