i think my tv is drunk
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
