Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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