Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
home. puking in laundry basket.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
