based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
