WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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