last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
