Porn is love you can see.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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