I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
