im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize