It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
