Soap is not a condiment
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We had to coat check the pizza.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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