Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Operation Purity has been aborted
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
