hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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