i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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