It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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