Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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