Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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