Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Randomize
