You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
