so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
