After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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