Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
