The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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