remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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