Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
