Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
