we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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