I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize