My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
