I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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