By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
