We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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