So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
