woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
