I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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