Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
